Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
