Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
