The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
