Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
