A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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