I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
