The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Boobs are out for the taking
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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