True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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