It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
