and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
