So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
