why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
