im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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