Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
