I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
