Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
