My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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