opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
