Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
