i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
