Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
