I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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