Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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