3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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