Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We just shotgunned beers for America
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
