I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can Purell be used as lube?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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