On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
