Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
