Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
