I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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