worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
