btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ugly people sure do ruin things
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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