Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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