Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
