Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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