My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
