well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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