i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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