You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
