Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
