I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
