Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
