but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
