I think I just saw someone hide a body.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
