i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
