On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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