dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
