so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
