I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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