and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
