he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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