hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
