we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
