Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
